Time and Again
by Fyrewire
Summary: You wonder if you're cheating, because something tells you that none of this can be real, that you haven't earned this.


I do not own Glee, I would appreciate feedback on this story, I'm not entirely sure how good it came out.

* * *

You walk into school, it's your first day, and the first thing you smell is strawberries. You find that they lead to a boy wearing a shirt that probably cost as much as your car. Your palms a sweating, and your body is tense.

You push him into the lockers as you walk by, and then you have to lose yourself to the crowd so you won't turn around and say that you're sorry.

(It's your first day, You come in the south door instead, five minutes later you find him cornered by three seniors at least twice his size, He looks like he's about to cry.

You've punched two of them and are pulling him away before you realize what's happening, and He is looking at you like you're an angel.)

Your best friend convinces you to try out for football, you don't want to, you've always preferred hockey. But he's persuasive, and you figure it's one more thing to occupy your time.

The football field is hot, and your uniform makes you itch, but you ignore it and accept the invitation to go out for pizza with the rest of the team.

(Your best friend and you have had a fight, You stay away from football and instead focus on hockey. But that's fine with you, because the ice is cold and feels like home.

After practice some students, with Him in the back of the group, come to him and ask if he wants to go see a movie. He smiles as you say yes, and you feel butterflies land on your skin.)

You are the monster, people will stay away from you, you are feared. And you like it.

(You are the shining knight, you always appear whenever you are needed. The monsters fear you and are retreating to the shadows. A quick smile and nervous thanks from someone who has just been spared a black eye feels so much better.)

You see the announcement for Glee club on the bulletin board, later you will come back with your best friend and some markers to make it more appropriate for the level of boring that it truly is.

You see His name on the sign-up sheet and pause for only a moment.

(He comes to you after practice, on his way to the auditorium, he tells you about how excited he is that the Glee club is starting up, and he was wondering if you wanted to try out with him.

He's blushing, and you just barely keep from kissing him. Instead you nod and say that it sounds like it would be fun. The smile on his face makes you pause for a moment.)

Glee club is not the type of thing you'd give second thought to, aside from moving them up in your roster of people to crush.

Then he shows up, wearing a football jersey and doing that dance, and all you can think of is strawberries.

(He mentions to you that he needs to join the football team, you don't ask questions, but you convince his future brother to help him out.

You sit close to the benches at the game and try not to laugh at how ridiculous the dance looks. You cheer for Him when he scores the winning point and pull him aside after he's escaped his teammates to give him a hug.

He feels warm and he hugs you back and you never want to let go.)

The slushies are cold, and you treasure the looks of shock on someone's face as it drips down into their clothes.

You never stay to watch when you splash it in his face, and you can't get away fast enough to avoid hearing his cries of shock.

(Grape slushies are His favorite, and you buy him one every morning. You wonder if he knows why you do it.)

He's driving you insane; you call his dad and say things you regret. And you stand outside the choir room and listen as your angel clips his wings.

(You stay with him and help him practice, and you smile and clap as your angel soars.)

No one expects a jock to be smart, and you let your grades slip as you get swept up with the others and you don't care because you have friends.

You hide your report card from your dad for two days before he manages to find it. He doesn't yell at you, but the disappointment in his eyes burns through you.

(You and Him spend every night chatting together and doing your homework. You're in three advanced classes and have only one B on your report card; your mom makes steaks the night you bring it home.)

The two of them are fighting, baby drama has no place on the football team, and you wish they would just work it the fuck out because the team already sucks and they don't need those two causing a rift.

(They're fighting, and then you're all down one club member. And you just wish that they would be friends again because you can feel the cracks in your mind and you can remember before and you wish you couldn't.)

They've just won their competition, and you can't stand how sincerely _happy_ they are.

(You've just won your competition, and you're all going out for pizza, He sits next to you and you grab his hand under the table. You feel something twinge when you see how _happy_ he is.)

You've always felt out of place with the football team, but you don't care because you have friends and they think you are funny and they don't care if you've never gone on a date with anyone because you just say that you are focusing on sports and none of the girls are really your type and you most definitely never bring up what your type is.

(He has the club schedule memorized, he can time the diva freak-outs practically down to the second, he had more songs in his head than math problems and they're all going bowling that Friday.)

The school year ends without anything spectacular, you've maintained your grades enough so that you won't fail and that's good enough for you. Your best friend convinces you to go on a road trip and you don't see anyone else until it's time for school.

(You kiss Him for the first time on the last day of school. You spend the summer watching cheesy movies and going to whatever party the other club members had set up that week. The scent of strawberries hangs in the air.)

When school comes back you miss when you throw your slushy at him, but that's okay because your best friend hit him and no one noticed yours hit the wall.

(When school gets back you walk hand-in-hand down the halls, chatting about glee club and ignoring the shock everyone feels as it just rolls off of you.)

He's too close to you, so you push him away, you push him down, and you don't look back because you don't know if you can stand to see the hatred in his eyes.

(He's too far away from you, and whenever you see him he somehow ends up right in your arms, laughing and teasing you. You don't care and you bury your face in his shoulder, so he can't see the fear in your eyes.)

You are kissing him and he tastes like strawberries and you feel for just one moment that everything is going to be okay.

He pushes you away, and you can't feel anything anymore.

(You stay up late texting back and forth with random quotes from all the musicals he's drilled into you mind, you feel yourself cracking and you feel him holding you together.)

You see him standing there with that preppy rich kid with slicked-back hair and you build a wall around yourself.

(You say no to sending him as a spy, and convince everyone that it would be pointless and unfair. He holds your hand for the rest of the meeting, but you don't tell him what's wrong.)

You're standing close to him, as close as you wished you could have been before, but you're saying things that you don't mean and he's scared and you wish you could take it back.

(You wonder if you're cheating, because something tells you that none of this can be real, that you haven't earned this.)

You're taking something from him, it doesn't matter what, because for a few seconds you were close to him and even if he killed you just then it doesn't matter because for a moment you can smell strawberries.

(He comes to you with excitement shining in his eyes and tells you that his dad's getting married, you smile and can barely say your congratulations before he's launching into the details of them performing at the wedding.)

You meet his dad by being shoved painfully into a board with thumbtacks sticking themselves into your back, his arm pressed so tightly into your neck you can barely breath.

(His dad greats you when you arrive at the wedding, you hand him the gift your parents helped you pick out and pull at your tie, you can barely breath in that thing.)

Your father's disappointment burns through you as you sit through talking with the school board, and it stays with you afterwards, settling right beneath your heart and it burns and you just want to cut yourself open to get it out.

(Your parents watch as you dance with Him down the aisle, your mom is smiling and your father looks at you with a look you haven't seen for twenty-three years.)

The days drag by slowly without him there, you wish that you were different, that you had stayed locked away, that you had never met him.

You don't cry, but every night when you're in the shower your fingers dig into your skin until you start bleeding and you wish that it would hurt.

(You've just won Sectionals; everyone is so happy that they get a bit careless.

Tears come to your eyes when you accidently cut your arm and it _stings_.)

High school is just a blur of pain in your past, and you get into a community college and you and your dad are barely speaking anymore.

(High school is a blur of dancing and music and strawberries, and you get offered three different scholarships and your dad is helping you search for colleges.)

You tried dating women in college, but it never lasted because they weren't him and they wanted him to talk and he just wanted to lock himself away.

(You manage to find a college that offers an extensive English and Theatre program, and you both get accepted.)

Everything is too hard, and you can barely wake up in the morning, and you just want to sleep forever.

(You're sliding a thin silver ring onto his finger, kneeling before him in a park. He has tears in his eyes and you're afraid for a moment before he hugs you and starts sobbing 'yes' into your shirt)

You and your dad haven't spoken since you dropped out of college, and you're working at a construction site in New York, sometimes you catch a glimpse of Him on TV.

(You're studying to get your masters degree and He is out auditioning for Broadway. Money is tight, but the smile on his face whenever he comes home keeps you from mentioning it.)

You've lost your job, and you're about to be evicted.

(You're approaching your twenty-fifth birthday, you wonder if you'll die.)

You lay in your bed that night, thinking only of him and what could have been and what you wish had happened as you let darkness overcome you.

(You open your eyes; the sun is filtering in through the curtains he'd picked out when you bought the place.

You smell strawberries.)

* * *

And there you go.


End file.
